• Does the writer provide an introduction that grabs the reader’s attention? I enjoyed the introduction, the writer makes you wonder what basket has been passed and why.

• Does the writer focus on significant events in his or her life rather than trying to narrate his or her entire life’s story? Yes, the writer is specific in telling of her grandfathers illness and the events that follow.
• Do the descriptions of the characters or important objects in the memoirs include sensory details that help readers to visualize, hear, smell or feel them? Yes, the writer describes the use of her grandfathers medication as making him dizzy and forgetful. She explains the carport being out of wack and mentioned the color was green. She doesn't really describe her Nana but you kind of get the idea that she doesn't really put up with alot of nonsense.
• Has the writer quoted speech or dialogue so as to reveal some important aspect of a character’s personality? Yes Pop Pop (her grandfather) speaks quite frequently in this essay. Ranting about being "a caged animal in his own home."
• Does the writer narrate or describe events in a way that allows readers to connect them to experiences or relationships in their own lives? Yes when haven't you gotten upset about anything at the grocery store at least once.
• Has the writer explained the significance of the people, events, places, or objects in shaping who he or she has become?The last bit of dialogue when she accidentally runs her grandfather down. They exchange some conversation and you can visualize that she understands her grandfather very well ill or not. Does this explanation make sense in relation to the events, people, places, and things described throughout the memoir? Yes.
• Does the writer provide a conclusion that reinforces the point of the story? Yes. Her grandfather has been somewhat impossible to get along with and she reinforces the ending by letting her readers know it's okay for the elderly to get grouchy and still be loved. 

 

 

Bobbi Irwin

Once More to the Lake-E.B. White

1.) Yes. His introduction took me back to the days on the farm during my childhood, and we got ringworm as well from the old farm cats. And everyday was like camping out, never a dull moment.
2.) Yes. The writer is very specific with details that are significant to him. Such as taking his son to the spot he used to go to as a child to camp and experiencing the things he did as a child. His example made me laugh about having water go up his nose from the lake. Been there.
3.) Yes. The description of the lake as cool and motionless and how the bedroom smelled of the lumber it was made of and the smell of the wet woods as it sifted throught the screen in the window.
4.) The writer speaks of his father and how he feels like he in his shoes, but no specific dialogue is really mentioned.
5.) Yes. He is very descriptive, specifically he mentions walking back from the lake with only two tracks to follow instead of three as he remembers. He describes the dusty field and the flaky dry manure. Puts me right back to those days out in the pasture walking back to house to eat dinner. Those paths made by my grandfathers truck and the animals.
6.) Yes. The events the writer describes are with fond memorys of the days he and his father went to the lake to camp and fish. He brings that out in every part of the essay. He appreciates the time spent and has fond memories.
7.) Yes. His conclusion gives a lasting impression on the reader as to how he wanted to spend time with his son as his father hd spent with him and the irony that the years has not passed by. His last line is hilarous.

Bobbi Irwin

Diving into Personal Narratives-Sedaris

1.) The writer does not grab the attention of the reader. He gives basic information about returning to school even though it may be in a different country. He just doesn't "soup" up the idea. How beautiful was the university? the surroundings?
2.) Yes. The writer focuses on specific events that happened during class time.
3.) Yes. Each student was from a different country speaking in their own language. So while reading this essay I am able to hear their language and visualize how they look.
4.) Yes. The writer is in a foreign country trying to learn the language with an instructor who would rather intimidate and make him feel inept than to teach him the language. She speaks French in ways he doesn't quite understand yet.
5.) Yes. I understand returning to college much later in life and feeling like I'm in a foreign country when I'm in my own.
6.) Yes. He gives a bit of backround on some of the other individuals coming to France from other countries to learn the language. There were specific incidents during class where the instructor would have the student get up and speak in French about things they loved or disliked and then remarked cruelly. In the end the writer spoke of a situation where the instructor made a comment to him stating that everday he was in class it was like having a cesarean section. GEEZ!
7.) In conclusion the remark she made he finally understood even though it was unkind it was a small step to a new world opening up and bathed in insults without reget because he understood.

Bobbi Irwin

Sentence Variety

Sam got in her car to drive to the mall so she could buy a pair of boots and a shoeshine kit. After her purchase, she decided to go to the food court to eat a burrito with peppers and onions. While eating Sam saw a cute boy  at the pretzel stand looking at her. She blushed as the boy came over to her and said hello, the boy wrinkled his nose. Sitting confused she said hello again but this time the boy gagged and walked away. Shocked, she realized she had bad breath and ran to the bathroom crying. Confidently she put on her newly shined boots and walked out of the bathroom in search of the boy. When she found him she kicked him in the shin with her new boots and told him he needed some manners, the boy fell to the ground. Sam walked out of the mall smiling.

Bobbi Irwin

9/8/11 Writing the Personal Narrative

I believe we are all guilty of loose sentences. It's just too easy to use those connective words such as and or but. Almost did that again with this blog as a matter of fact. That would be a weak link for me while writing a paper. This would be an area that I would pay closer attention to for changes. A strong point in my writing would be the direct approach using specific or concrete ideas. I'm not very good at beating around the bush. Referring back to The Elements of Style when writing will help guide me to a correct essay style that I can appreciate.

Bobbi Irwin

Revision Checklist

Our assignment was to read, evaluate and effectively summarize an essay. The topic chosen for my summary is William Zinsser's College Pressures, noting how peers, society, parents and academics put an enormous amount of pressure on college students to be successful at any cost. The audience this essay is sought to reach are college students, parents and society in general. In developing this essay I identified the thesis or what I felt was the thesis, summarized the main points, used examples and hopefully successfully organized the emphasis of the main point. A total of two drafts have been completed and about 8 hours of time has been put into this paper. That doesn't mean it's thorough that just means it takes me longer than some people. The instructor gave detailed instructions on how to set the paper up with checklists and examples. Revisions were done so that more examples could be given. I tend to have too many run on sentences or fragments, went back to double check mine. Tried to pay attention to third person and present tense. Writing has always intimidated me so making sure my summary is accurate is important or as close as I can get it. I have struggled the last two semesters with staying focused, this essay was one I definitely related to.


Bobbi Irwin

College Pressure #4

As a non-traditional student, so we're called, it's especially difficult to balance and make things work in our favor, the responsibilities are far greater than those students who live on campus and have parents footing the bill. Please don't misunderstand, hats off to those students who have scholarships and have parents who afford them an education, but so many don't have that luxury and still want their children to come out on top. So the pressure of finance rears its ugly head. In William Zinsser's essay he talks about the pressures from peers, parents and society and all three weigh equally on students. I was a victim of this when I started college 20 years ago, however my parents didn't exactly tell me what to study, I think all they wanted was for me to go and finish. I paid my own tuition and living expenses. I realize 20 years ago was much different than it is now, but the expense is just as great when you only make $4.20 an hour. He also talks about how college students struggle with grades and making sure they stay out in front, I also feel that pressure to do exceptionally well, not just average. But isn't average okay? I always shoot for perfection but usually come up just a bit short. The plus for returning to school after this many years, is, it's for me, on my terms and on my time. So hang in there everybody and put your books down once in awhile to enjoy your time. There is plenty of time for responsibility. You have the rest of your life, trust me.

Bobbi Irwin