Audience and Purpose

The ad chosen probably appeals to everyone who cares anything about their appearance, (those of us a bit more vain than is necessary) it doesn't involve the magical creme that rids us of unwanted cellulose or wrinkles. It works to reach those of us wanting those tight buns and abs of steel. The ad can be found in Health & Fitness. The ad definitely focuses on the idea of that perfect body by summer. The fact that you have a male and female looking quite fit and trim gives the consumer the idea that if I do this than I get that. So we will see once I analyze this ad a bit closer.

Bobbi Irwin

Effective Layout

An effective layout should attract attention and interest. Sometimes when you are flipping through a magazine and they are loaded with advertisements, you stop on a page because you've seen something that attracts your eye or because you've heard friends talk about a particular product and run across the information in a magazine. After reading about the elements of an effective layout, I can honestly say I wouldn't have asked myself all of these questions, but now I will look to see if these professionals have followed the rules of design. They all apply to my ad.

Bobbi Irwin

Cream of Wheat

Every advertisement is perceived to each individual in a different way. As I read the Appeal of the Democracy Goods, I asked myself the reason for the choice in the ad. I like Cream of Wheat and I believe it to be healthy. Feeding it to children for breakfast is wonderful compared to what some parents allow their children to eat for breakfast. I work in an elementary school, I know. The ad looked at a child being cared for and nurtured by servants and being fed Cream of Wheat as if only the upper class could afford it. Not so, the ad continues to say that regardless of wealth any household can afford this product. (democracy good) This paper is going to be fun.


 Bobbi Irwin

Advertising TV/Magazine

Well I did find the Pajama Jean ad very effective. I saw it on the internet and thought definitely need a pair of those. So I ordered a pair and was pleasantly surprised. The ad stated everything they truly are, comfortable and very warm and they feel exactly like pj's but look like jeans. Ingenious.


The ad I really dislike is the Nationwide ad. The phone connected to the spokesperson is a little ridiculous. And the jingle is really irritating. It needs a little help.


Bobbi Irwin

Persuasive Feedback by Amy Taber for Bobbi Irwin

Irwin- Public School or Home School.

Persuasive Paper Checklist Reviewed by: Amy Taber

1. Is there a thesis statement? How could you refine it to be more clear and concise? Does it include or make reference to the main points of the paper (in other words, how the thesis will be “proven”)? Most importantly, is it arguable?

There is an obvious thesis statement that concludes the introduction paragraph. It makes references to the main points of the paper, and is arguable.

2. How is the essay introduced? Is it informative? Interesting? Does it clearly set the tone for the paper and accurately reflect what is discussed therein? Could it be improved? Does it provide a summary of the argument?

The essay is introduced well, introducing the topic and asserting your opinion. It was clear on what you wanted to argue.

3. What are the main points of the paper? How do you recognize them? Are they clearly recognizable? Do you use supporting evidence for their argument to illustrate these points? D you use the rhetorical appeals (emotion, character, and logic)? Do you use any logical fallacies?

You argued about public and home school. (I would check with our professor about this topic) I thought she wanted a range of options instead of just two. It is a good essay, however you could also include private funded schools to make it longer.

4. How is the essay organized? Are the claims made in a climactic, logical order? Is it a synthesis of information or does it seem disconnected?

The essay is organized in an appropriate fashion. You argued between public and home school.

5. Do you present counter‐arguments? Do you also include rebuttals, compromises, or acknowledgements of acceptance for these counter‐arguments? How could these be improved?

Counter-arguments were visible throughout and used appropriately.

6. Is there “signposting” (topic sentences, guide words, etc.) that provides direction for the essay, letting the reader know what you are doing and what to expect? What transitions do you use to bridge paragraphs? What transitions do you use within paragraphs?

You provide good transistional sentences.

7. As you read through your paper again, are there any confusing passages where you were lost or where the logic fell apart?

Not really.

8. After your reading, can you say the thesis statement accurately reflects the topic, focus, and main points of the essay? How is the essay concluded? What technique do you employ in the conclusion? (Clue – this shouldn’t just be a restatement of the thesis statement /introduction) How is that effective or not?

The thesis statement accurately introduces the topic and the main points of the essay. You kept the essay on track and never really wandered off.

9. Are there any major grammar, spelling, or punctuation errors? If you aren’t sure, make a quick check of Elements of Style, run spell check or get assistance with your entire essay at the writing center.

There are a few mistakes. When revising keep an eye out for punctuation.

10. Is the sentence structure varied and interesting? Do you have any weak, overly wordy, awkward, or confusing sentences? (Look for examples such as “It is/are…”; “There is/are”; “It seems as though there is…” that can be cut down for conciseness, as well as any weak pronoun references that leave you asking,“Who does this refer to?”) Does the essay strive to use active, direct, present tense verbs?

The sentence structure is varied.

11. Do you make use of information from enough sources to present a strong persuasive essay? Is your use of quoting/paraphrasing appropriate and effective within the paper? Are the quotes properly introduced and/or explained? Are the citations correct?

You didn’t include any sources.

Persuasive Feedback by Kristina Hanson for Bobbi Irwin

Persuasive Paper Checklist – Bobbi Irwin

By Kristina Hanson

1. Is there a thesis statement? How could you refine it to be more clear and concise? Does it include or

make reference to the main points of the paper (in other words, how the thesis will be “proven”)? Most

importantly, is it arguable?

I did not actually see the thesis statement.  It appears that you are for public school. 

2. How is the essay introduced? Is it informative? Interesting? Does it clearly set the tone for the paper and

accurately reflect what is discussed therein? Could it be improved? Does it provide a summary of the

argument?

The essay is interesting and I think you are making  great points.  But you need to try to make them more persuasive.  The way it is written it looks more like a narrative to me.   I can tell what the essay is about.  At first it is hard to say which way you are going. 

3. What are the main points of the paper? How do you recognize them? Are they clearly recognizable? Do

you use supporting evidence for their argument to illustrate these points? D you use the rhetorical

appeals (emotion, character, and logic)? Does you use any logical fallacies?

I would say the main points are as follows:

·         Public schools are better because kids get better socialization

Public schools are better because teachers have more education in regards to teaching children

Public schools are better because they have better resources available

Public schools are cheaper for the parents as they have to pay a lot of money to get comparable resources and field trips

The main points are recognizable.  I think the arguments are supported, but need to sound a little stronger, more convincing.  I don’t believe you are using any logical fallacies. You are using the logic appeal, as far as I can tell.

4. How is the essay organized? Are the claims made in a climactic, logical order? Is it a synthesis of

information or does it seem disconnected?

I didn’t see the essay broken down in paragraphs very much yet.  It does have a good, logical order, but needs to be broken down more by different arguments and use stronger arguments.  It seems connected to me.

5. Do you present counter‐arguments? Do you also include rebuttals, compromises, or acknowledgements

of acceptance for these counter‐arguments? How could these be improved?

I did see counter-arguments, which I like.  I think you did a great job with them.

6. Is there “signposting” (topic sentences, guide words, etc.) that provides direction for the essay, letting

the reader know what you are doing and what to expect? What transitions do you use to bridge

paragraphs? What transitions do you use within paragraphs?

I have a hard time figuring out the main topic on some of the paragraphs.  They need to be broken down in smaller pieces.  I do like the way you write, but I think you need to add more to everything.  I think your transitions within the paragraph are fine.

7. As you read through your paper again, are there any confusing passages where you were lost or where

the logic fell apart?

The only part that is confusing me is that there is too much information in each of the paragraphs.

8. After your reading, can you say the thesis statement accurately reflects the topic, focus, and main points

of the essay? How is the essay concluded? What technique do you employ in the conclusion? (Clue – this

shouldn’t just be a restatement of the thesis statement /introduction) How is that effective or not?

I can’t decide what the actual thesis statement is.  I’m not sure if there is a conclusion.  It seems to me like you stopped writing the paper without adding a conclusion.

9. Are there any major grammar, spelling, or punctuation errors? If you aren’t sure, make a quick check of

Elements of Style, run spell check or get assistance with your entire essay at the writing center.

I did not notice any major grammar or spelling errors and I do like the word choices.

10. Is the sentence structure varied and interesting? Do you have any weak, overly wordy, awkward, or

confusing sentences? (Look for examples such as “It is/are…”; “There is/are”; “It seems as though there

is…” that can be cut down for conciseness, as well as any weak pronoun references that leave you asking,

“Who does this refer to?”) Does the essay strive to use active, direct, present tense verbs?

I think the sentence structure is good.  I like the way you write.  It doesn’t appear like you repeat a lot of words.

11. Do you make use of information from enough sources to present a strong persuasive essay? Is your use

of quoting/paraphrasing appropriate and effective within the paper? Are the quotes properly introduced

and/or explained? Are the citations correct?

I like your paper, but it doesn’t appear to be a persuasive paper for me.  More like a narrative comparing two different ways to school your children.  I didn’t see any quotes (which I didn’t put any in my essay yet either…). 

Persuasive Feedback by Kenny Yates for Bobbi Irwin

Persuasive Paper Checklist    By Kenny Yates  for Bobbi Irwin

1. Is there a thesis statement? How could you refine it to be more clear and concise? Does it include or make reference to the main points of the paper (in other words, how the thesis will be “proven”)? Most importantly, is it arguable?

            There was never a completely clear thesis statement presented. Within the paper, it becomes clear that it is being going to public schools are being argued for, but you should have a clear thesis statement (e.g. “Public schools are the obvious choice for a better education.”). Like the question asks, definitely tie your thesis statement/paragraph to introducing your main arguing points. You have really great arguments and counterarguments; just create a strong introduction paragraph with a thesis statement and intro to the main arguments.

2. How is the essay introduced? Is it informative? Interesting? Does it clearly set the tone for the paper and accurately reflect what is discussed therein? Could it be improved? Does it provide a summary of the argument?

            The essay is introduced by defining what a public school is, and the main reason that many parents send their kid to the public school system. The first paragraph was a little weak; information in your second paragraph would go great in your introduction paragraph. “Education is a complex and compelling topic in our national dialogue,” I feel, would be a great opener. The some information following would also be interesting and informative. Using that, a clear thesis statement and presenting your main arguments will make for a great intro.

3. What are the main points of the paper? How do you recognize them? Are they clearly recognizable? Do you use supporting evidence for their argument to illustrate these points? D you use the rhetorical appeals (emotion, character, and logic)? Do you use any logical fallacies?

            The main points of the paper aren’t exactly clear. You present a good amount of great support, but I’m left unsure of what your main arguments are. I know it is only the rough draft for the paper, but it for sure needs some organization. I would cut up your big, middle paragraph into smaller paragraphs. Present one main point, then supporting evidence for each. Mostly you apply to logic and character. You make me think “Oh man, no way I’m homeschooling my kids,” causing it to sound like major work, and not the best environment for my kid. I noticed a few logical fallacies, like when you generalized that home schooled parents have no time for themselves; it may take a lot of time to home school, but I feel like some parents would disagree.

4. How is the essay organized? Are the claims made in a climactic, logical order? Is it a synthesis ofinformation or does it seem disconnected?

            The organization went from explaining why public schools are the way to go, and then finished with explaining the inconveniences of homeschooling children. I would’ve chose this order of presentation as well. However, in the final draft, major reorganization needs to occur. It’s obviously only two and a half pages long, and you only have three main paragraphs. When you make the rough draft, make sure to not let one paragraph grow too big (I have that problem often). Find a good section to end the paragraph, and start the other. Treat each paragraph as its own paper, starting with an intro-type sentence and a concluding sentence. Everything is very connected and relevant, and in the best possible order. During the final draft, I’d say throw in reasons not to home school throughout the paper, in the midst of talking about public schooling. “In public schools, they do this for you. When home schooling, you must take care of this grueling task yourself.” –Something like that.

5. Do you present counter‐arguments? Do you also include rebuttals, compromises, or acknowledgements of acceptance for these counter‐arguments? How could these be improved?

            I didn’t catch many counter-arguments within the paper. Counterarguments for going to public schools are aplenty if you search Google, I’m sure. Find some, acknowledge them, and then create a rebuttal for them; this will make your information much stronger. Just off the top of my head, for example, talk about the immense peer-pressure kids have to deal with in high school. Talk about bullying, unhealthy school food, and opportunities to get into bad situations.

6. Is there “signposting” (topic sentences, guide words, etc.) that provides direction for the essay, letting the reader know what you are doing and what to expect? What transitions do you use to bridge paragraphs? What transitions do you use within paragraphs?

            Considering it’s a rough, rough draft, there was not much signposting throughout the paper. Not many transitions were apparent, but that’s because you only have 3 separate paragraphs. You will have to use effective transitions when writing the final draft. They will bring much benefit to your paper.

7. As you read through your paper again, are there any confusing passages where you were lost or where the logic fell apart?

            There were definitely a few confusing parts of the paper. In your third and final paragraph, the first sentence immediately starts talking about a disadvantage of home schooling; however, you don’t introduce the fact that you will be now talking about home schooling. It needs more organization and transitions. Once again, all of your logic and information is informative and compelling, but it needs more organization. I’m sure this will come with your final draft; just make sure the reader is always 100% sure when you’re switching topics.

8. After your reading, can you say the thesis statement accurately reflects the topic, focus, and main points of the essay? How is the essay concluded? What technique do you employ in the conclusion? (Clue – this shouldn’t just be a restatement of the thesis statement /introduction) How is that effective or not?

            Well, there was no thesis statement to begin with, so it doesn’t accurately reflect those things. Also, you have no big conclusion about the previous information; you just end it abruptly. Considering you didn’t have one, I’d say it wasn’t effective. When you make your conclusion, just make sure you restate your main ideas, and end strongly.

9. Are there any major grammar, spelling, or punctuation errors? If you aren’t sure, make a quick check of Elements of Style, run spell check or get assistance with your entire essay at the writing center.

            No major grammatical errors; although, some choppy sentences and wrong words appear occasionally.

10. Is the sentence structure varied and interesting? Do you have any weak, overly wordy, awkward, or confusing sentences? (Look for examples such as “It is/are…”; “There is/are”; “It seems as though there is…” that can be cut down for conciseness, as well as any weak pronoun references that leave you asking,“Who does this refer to?”) Does the essay strive to use active, direct, present tense verbs?

            A great job was done varying sentence structure and beginnings. You do have some overly wordy sentences that run on a little bit, but it isn’t a major problem throughout your essay. You use active and present tense verbs wisely. Your information and sentence structure aren’t your problem; just a lack of length and organization that will come with the final draft.

11. Do you make use of information from enough sources to present a strong persuasive essay? Is your use of quoting/paraphrasing appropriate and effective within the paper? Are the quotes properly introduced and/or explained? Are the citations correct?

            I only recall one specific citing of an outside source. Considering this is a research/persuasive paper, you’ll want to add many more credible sources to your information. Without these, you will lose credibility yourself. It’d be beneficial to add quotes about public schooling or home schooling from say, experts in the field, or advocates for home schooling. When you did present some research, you cited it within the paper correctly. Continue to cite this way when adding research, and also look up different methods to keep things interesting. Great topic for a persuasive paper; just add length, organization and research.