Persuasive Feedback by Kristina Hanson for Bobbi Irwin

Persuasive Paper Checklist – Bobbi Irwin

By Kristina Hanson

1. Is there a thesis statement? How could you refine it to be more clear and concise? Does it include or

make reference to the main points of the paper (in other words, how the thesis will be “proven”)? Most

importantly, is it arguable?

I did not actually see the thesis statement.  It appears that you are for public school. 

2. How is the essay introduced? Is it informative? Interesting? Does it clearly set the tone for the paper and

accurately reflect what is discussed therein? Could it be improved? Does it provide a summary of the

argument?

The essay is interesting and I think you are making  great points.  But you need to try to make them more persuasive.  The way it is written it looks more like a narrative to me.   I can tell what the essay is about.  At first it is hard to say which way you are going. 

3. What are the main points of the paper? How do you recognize them? Are they clearly recognizable? Do

you use supporting evidence for their argument to illustrate these points? D you use the rhetorical

appeals (emotion, character, and logic)? Does you use any logical fallacies?

I would say the main points are as follows:

·         Public schools are better because kids get better socialization

Public schools are better because teachers have more education in regards to teaching children

Public schools are better because they have better resources available

Public schools are cheaper for the parents as they have to pay a lot of money to get comparable resources and field trips

The main points are recognizable.  I think the arguments are supported, but need to sound a little stronger, more convincing.  I don’t believe you are using any logical fallacies. You are using the logic appeal, as far as I can tell.

4. How is the essay organized? Are the claims made in a climactic, logical order? Is it a synthesis of

information or does it seem disconnected?

I didn’t see the essay broken down in paragraphs very much yet.  It does have a good, logical order, but needs to be broken down more by different arguments and use stronger arguments.  It seems connected to me.

5. Do you present counter‐arguments? Do you also include rebuttals, compromises, or acknowledgements

of acceptance for these counter‐arguments? How could these be improved?

I did see counter-arguments, which I like.  I think you did a great job with them.

6. Is there “signposting” (topic sentences, guide words, etc.) that provides direction for the essay, letting

the reader know what you are doing and what to expect? What transitions do you use to bridge

paragraphs? What transitions do you use within paragraphs?

I have a hard time figuring out the main topic on some of the paragraphs.  They need to be broken down in smaller pieces.  I do like the way you write, but I think you need to add more to everything.  I think your transitions within the paragraph are fine.

7. As you read through your paper again, are there any confusing passages where you were lost or where

the logic fell apart?

The only part that is confusing me is that there is too much information in each of the paragraphs.

8. After your reading, can you say the thesis statement accurately reflects the topic, focus, and main points

of the essay? How is the essay concluded? What technique do you employ in the conclusion? (Clue – this

shouldn’t just be a restatement of the thesis statement /introduction) How is that effective or not?

I can’t decide what the actual thesis statement is.  I’m not sure if there is a conclusion.  It seems to me like you stopped writing the paper without adding a conclusion.

9. Are there any major grammar, spelling, or punctuation errors? If you aren’t sure, make a quick check of

Elements of Style, run spell check or get assistance with your entire essay at the writing center.

I did not notice any major grammar or spelling errors and I do like the word choices.

10. Is the sentence structure varied and interesting? Do you have any weak, overly wordy, awkward, or

confusing sentences? (Look for examples such as “It is/are…”; “There is/are”; “It seems as though there

is…” that can be cut down for conciseness, as well as any weak pronoun references that leave you asking,

“Who does this refer to?”) Does the essay strive to use active, direct, present tense verbs?

I think the sentence structure is good.  I like the way you write.  It doesn’t appear like you repeat a lot of words.

11. Do you make use of information from enough sources to present a strong persuasive essay? Is your use

of quoting/paraphrasing appropriate and effective within the paper? Are the quotes properly introduced

and/or explained? Are the citations correct?

I like your paper, but it doesn’t appear to be a persuasive paper for me.  More like a narrative comparing two different ways to school your children.  I didn’t see any quotes (which I didn’t put any in my essay yet either…).