Audience and Purpose

The ad chosen probably appeals to everyone who cares anything about their appearance, (those of us a bit more vain than is necessary) it doesn't involve the magical creme that rids us of unwanted cellulose or wrinkles. It works to reach those of us wanting those tight buns and abs of steel. The ad can be found in Health & Fitness. The ad definitely focuses on the idea of that perfect body by summer. The fact that you have a male and female looking quite fit and trim gives the consumer the idea that if I do this than I get that. So we will see once I analyze this ad a bit closer.

Bobbi Irwin

Effective Layout

An effective layout should attract attention and interest. Sometimes when you are flipping through a magazine and they are loaded with advertisements, you stop on a page because you've seen something that attracts your eye or because you've heard friends talk about a particular product and run across the information in a magazine. After reading about the elements of an effective layout, I can honestly say I wouldn't have asked myself all of these questions, but now I will look to see if these professionals have followed the rules of design. They all apply to my ad.

Bobbi Irwin

Cream of Wheat

Every advertisement is perceived to each individual in a different way. As I read the Appeal of the Democracy Goods, I asked myself the reason for the choice in the ad. I like Cream of Wheat and I believe it to be healthy. Feeding it to children for breakfast is wonderful compared to what some parents allow their children to eat for breakfast. I work in an elementary school, I know. The ad looked at a child being cared for and nurtured by servants and being fed Cream of Wheat as if only the upper class could afford it. Not so, the ad continues to say that regardless of wealth any household can afford this product. (democracy good) This paper is going to be fun.


 Bobbi Irwin

Advertising TV/Magazine

Well I did find the Pajama Jean ad very effective. I saw it on the internet and thought definitely need a pair of those. So I ordered a pair and was pleasantly surprised. The ad stated everything they truly are, comfortable and very warm and they feel exactly like pj's but look like jeans. Ingenious.


The ad I really dislike is the Nationwide ad. The phone connected to the spokesperson is a little ridiculous. And the jingle is really irritating. It needs a little help.


Bobbi Irwin

Persuasive Feedback by Amy Taber for Bobbi Irwin

Irwin- Public School or Home School.

Persuasive Paper Checklist Reviewed by: Amy Taber

1. Is there a thesis statement? How could you refine it to be more clear and concise? Does it include or make reference to the main points of the paper (in other words, how the thesis will be “proven”)? Most importantly, is it arguable?

There is an obvious thesis statement that concludes the introduction paragraph. It makes references to the main points of the paper, and is arguable.

2. How is the essay introduced? Is it informative? Interesting? Does it clearly set the tone for the paper and accurately reflect what is discussed therein? Could it be improved? Does it provide a summary of the argument?

The essay is introduced well, introducing the topic and asserting your opinion. It was clear on what you wanted to argue.

3. What are the main points of the paper? How do you recognize them? Are they clearly recognizable? Do you use supporting evidence for their argument to illustrate these points? D you use the rhetorical appeals (emotion, character, and logic)? Do you use any logical fallacies?

You argued about public and home school. (I would check with our professor about this topic) I thought she wanted a range of options instead of just two. It is a good essay, however you could also include private funded schools to make it longer.

4. How is the essay organized? Are the claims made in a climactic, logical order? Is it a synthesis of information or does it seem disconnected?

The essay is organized in an appropriate fashion. You argued between public and home school.

5. Do you present counter‐arguments? Do you also include rebuttals, compromises, or acknowledgements of acceptance for these counter‐arguments? How could these be improved?

Counter-arguments were visible throughout and used appropriately.

6. Is there “signposting” (topic sentences, guide words, etc.) that provides direction for the essay, letting the reader know what you are doing and what to expect? What transitions do you use to bridge paragraphs? What transitions do you use within paragraphs?

You provide good transistional sentences.

7. As you read through your paper again, are there any confusing passages where you were lost or where the logic fell apart?

Not really.

8. After your reading, can you say the thesis statement accurately reflects the topic, focus, and main points of the essay? How is the essay concluded? What technique do you employ in the conclusion? (Clue – this shouldn’t just be a restatement of the thesis statement /introduction) How is that effective or not?

The thesis statement accurately introduces the topic and the main points of the essay. You kept the essay on track and never really wandered off.

9. Are there any major grammar, spelling, or punctuation errors? If you aren’t sure, make a quick check of Elements of Style, run spell check or get assistance with your entire essay at the writing center.

There are a few mistakes. When revising keep an eye out for punctuation.

10. Is the sentence structure varied and interesting? Do you have any weak, overly wordy, awkward, or confusing sentences? (Look for examples such as “It is/are…”; “There is/are”; “It seems as though there is…” that can be cut down for conciseness, as well as any weak pronoun references that leave you asking,“Who does this refer to?”) Does the essay strive to use active, direct, present tense verbs?

The sentence structure is varied.

11. Do you make use of information from enough sources to present a strong persuasive essay? Is your use of quoting/paraphrasing appropriate and effective within the paper? Are the quotes properly introduced and/or explained? Are the citations correct?

You didn’t include any sources.

Persuasive Feedback by Kristina Hanson for Bobbi Irwin

Persuasive Paper Checklist – Bobbi Irwin

By Kristina Hanson

1. Is there a thesis statement? How could you refine it to be more clear and concise? Does it include or

make reference to the main points of the paper (in other words, how the thesis will be “proven”)? Most

importantly, is it arguable?

I did not actually see the thesis statement.  It appears that you are for public school. 

2. How is the essay introduced? Is it informative? Interesting? Does it clearly set the tone for the paper and

accurately reflect what is discussed therein? Could it be improved? Does it provide a summary of the

argument?

The essay is interesting and I think you are making  great points.  But you need to try to make them more persuasive.  The way it is written it looks more like a narrative to me.   I can tell what the essay is about.  At first it is hard to say which way you are going. 

3. What are the main points of the paper? How do you recognize them? Are they clearly recognizable? Do

you use supporting evidence for their argument to illustrate these points? D you use the rhetorical

appeals (emotion, character, and logic)? Does you use any logical fallacies?

I would say the main points are as follows:

·         Public schools are better because kids get better socialization

Public schools are better because teachers have more education in regards to teaching children

Public schools are better because they have better resources available

Public schools are cheaper for the parents as they have to pay a lot of money to get comparable resources and field trips

The main points are recognizable.  I think the arguments are supported, but need to sound a little stronger, more convincing.  I don’t believe you are using any logical fallacies. You are using the logic appeal, as far as I can tell.

4. How is the essay organized? Are the claims made in a climactic, logical order? Is it a synthesis of

information or does it seem disconnected?

I didn’t see the essay broken down in paragraphs very much yet.  It does have a good, logical order, but needs to be broken down more by different arguments and use stronger arguments.  It seems connected to me.

5. Do you present counter‐arguments? Do you also include rebuttals, compromises, or acknowledgements

of acceptance for these counter‐arguments? How could these be improved?

I did see counter-arguments, which I like.  I think you did a great job with them.

6. Is there “signposting” (topic sentences, guide words, etc.) that provides direction for the essay, letting

the reader know what you are doing and what to expect? What transitions do you use to bridge

paragraphs? What transitions do you use within paragraphs?

I have a hard time figuring out the main topic on some of the paragraphs.  They need to be broken down in smaller pieces.  I do like the way you write, but I think you need to add more to everything.  I think your transitions within the paragraph are fine.

7. As you read through your paper again, are there any confusing passages where you were lost or where

the logic fell apart?

The only part that is confusing me is that there is too much information in each of the paragraphs.

8. After your reading, can you say the thesis statement accurately reflects the topic, focus, and main points

of the essay? How is the essay concluded? What technique do you employ in the conclusion? (Clue – this

shouldn’t just be a restatement of the thesis statement /introduction) How is that effective or not?

I can’t decide what the actual thesis statement is.  I’m not sure if there is a conclusion.  It seems to me like you stopped writing the paper without adding a conclusion.

9. Are there any major grammar, spelling, or punctuation errors? If you aren’t sure, make a quick check of

Elements of Style, run spell check or get assistance with your entire essay at the writing center.

I did not notice any major grammar or spelling errors and I do like the word choices.

10. Is the sentence structure varied and interesting? Do you have any weak, overly wordy, awkward, or

confusing sentences? (Look for examples such as “It is/are…”; “There is/are”; “It seems as though there

is…” that can be cut down for conciseness, as well as any weak pronoun references that leave you asking,

“Who does this refer to?”) Does the essay strive to use active, direct, present tense verbs?

I think the sentence structure is good.  I like the way you write.  It doesn’t appear like you repeat a lot of words.

11. Do you make use of information from enough sources to present a strong persuasive essay? Is your use

of quoting/paraphrasing appropriate and effective within the paper? Are the quotes properly introduced

and/or explained? Are the citations correct?

I like your paper, but it doesn’t appear to be a persuasive paper for me.  More like a narrative comparing two different ways to school your children.  I didn’t see any quotes (which I didn’t put any in my essay yet either…). 

Persuasive Feedback by Kenny Yates for Bobbi Irwin

Persuasive Paper Checklist    By Kenny Yates  for Bobbi Irwin

1. Is there a thesis statement? How could you refine it to be more clear and concise? Does it include or make reference to the main points of the paper (in other words, how the thesis will be “proven”)? Most importantly, is it arguable?

            There was never a completely clear thesis statement presented. Within the paper, it becomes clear that it is being going to public schools are being argued for, but you should have a clear thesis statement (e.g. “Public schools are the obvious choice for a better education.”). Like the question asks, definitely tie your thesis statement/paragraph to introducing your main arguing points. You have really great arguments and counterarguments; just create a strong introduction paragraph with a thesis statement and intro to the main arguments.

2. How is the essay introduced? Is it informative? Interesting? Does it clearly set the tone for the paper and accurately reflect what is discussed therein? Could it be improved? Does it provide a summary of the argument?

            The essay is introduced by defining what a public school is, and the main reason that many parents send their kid to the public school system. The first paragraph was a little weak; information in your second paragraph would go great in your introduction paragraph. “Education is a complex and compelling topic in our national dialogue,” I feel, would be a great opener. The some information following would also be interesting and informative. Using that, a clear thesis statement and presenting your main arguments will make for a great intro.

3. What are the main points of the paper? How do you recognize them? Are they clearly recognizable? Do you use supporting evidence for their argument to illustrate these points? D you use the rhetorical appeals (emotion, character, and logic)? Do you use any logical fallacies?

            The main points of the paper aren’t exactly clear. You present a good amount of great support, but I’m left unsure of what your main arguments are. I know it is only the rough draft for the paper, but it for sure needs some organization. I would cut up your big, middle paragraph into smaller paragraphs. Present one main point, then supporting evidence for each. Mostly you apply to logic and character. You make me think “Oh man, no way I’m homeschooling my kids,” causing it to sound like major work, and not the best environment for my kid. I noticed a few logical fallacies, like when you generalized that home schooled parents have no time for themselves; it may take a lot of time to home school, but I feel like some parents would disagree.

4. How is the essay organized? Are the claims made in a climactic, logical order? Is it a synthesis ofinformation or does it seem disconnected?

            The organization went from explaining why public schools are the way to go, and then finished with explaining the inconveniences of homeschooling children. I would’ve chose this order of presentation as well. However, in the final draft, major reorganization needs to occur. It’s obviously only two and a half pages long, and you only have three main paragraphs. When you make the rough draft, make sure to not let one paragraph grow too big (I have that problem often). Find a good section to end the paragraph, and start the other. Treat each paragraph as its own paper, starting with an intro-type sentence and a concluding sentence. Everything is very connected and relevant, and in the best possible order. During the final draft, I’d say throw in reasons not to home school throughout the paper, in the midst of talking about public schooling. “In public schools, they do this for you. When home schooling, you must take care of this grueling task yourself.” –Something like that.

5. Do you present counter‐arguments? Do you also include rebuttals, compromises, or acknowledgements of acceptance for these counter‐arguments? How could these be improved?

            I didn’t catch many counter-arguments within the paper. Counterarguments for going to public schools are aplenty if you search Google, I’m sure. Find some, acknowledge them, and then create a rebuttal for them; this will make your information much stronger. Just off the top of my head, for example, talk about the immense peer-pressure kids have to deal with in high school. Talk about bullying, unhealthy school food, and opportunities to get into bad situations.

6. Is there “signposting” (topic sentences, guide words, etc.) that provides direction for the essay, letting the reader know what you are doing and what to expect? What transitions do you use to bridge paragraphs? What transitions do you use within paragraphs?

            Considering it’s a rough, rough draft, there was not much signposting throughout the paper. Not many transitions were apparent, but that’s because you only have 3 separate paragraphs. You will have to use effective transitions when writing the final draft. They will bring much benefit to your paper.

7. As you read through your paper again, are there any confusing passages where you were lost or where the logic fell apart?

            There were definitely a few confusing parts of the paper. In your third and final paragraph, the first sentence immediately starts talking about a disadvantage of home schooling; however, you don’t introduce the fact that you will be now talking about home schooling. It needs more organization and transitions. Once again, all of your logic and information is informative and compelling, but it needs more organization. I’m sure this will come with your final draft; just make sure the reader is always 100% sure when you’re switching topics.

8. After your reading, can you say the thesis statement accurately reflects the topic, focus, and main points of the essay? How is the essay concluded? What technique do you employ in the conclusion? (Clue – this shouldn’t just be a restatement of the thesis statement /introduction) How is that effective or not?

            Well, there was no thesis statement to begin with, so it doesn’t accurately reflect those things. Also, you have no big conclusion about the previous information; you just end it abruptly. Considering you didn’t have one, I’d say it wasn’t effective. When you make your conclusion, just make sure you restate your main ideas, and end strongly.

9. Are there any major grammar, spelling, or punctuation errors? If you aren’t sure, make a quick check of Elements of Style, run spell check or get assistance with your entire essay at the writing center.

            No major grammatical errors; although, some choppy sentences and wrong words appear occasionally.

10. Is the sentence structure varied and interesting? Do you have any weak, overly wordy, awkward, or confusing sentences? (Look for examples such as “It is/are…”; “There is/are”; “It seems as though there is…” that can be cut down for conciseness, as well as any weak pronoun references that leave you asking,“Who does this refer to?”) Does the essay strive to use active, direct, present tense verbs?

            A great job was done varying sentence structure and beginnings. You do have some overly wordy sentences that run on a little bit, but it isn’t a major problem throughout your essay. You use active and present tense verbs wisely. Your information and sentence structure aren’t your problem; just a lack of length and organization that will come with the final draft.

11. Do you make use of information from enough sources to present a strong persuasive essay? Is your use of quoting/paraphrasing appropriate and effective within the paper? Are the quotes properly introduced and/or explained? Are the citations correct?

            I only recall one specific citing of an outside source. Considering this is a research/persuasive paper, you’ll want to add many more credible sources to your information. Without these, you will lose credibility yourself. It’d be beneficial to add quotes about public schooling or home schooling from say, experts in the field, or advocates for home schooling. When you did present some research, you cited it within the paper correctly. Continue to cite this way when adding research, and also look up different methods to keep things interesting. Great topic for a persuasive paper; just add length, organization and research.

Public School vs. Home School

School is one of the most impacting influences in a child's life. Public school affords children the opportunity to be exposed influences from a variety of instructors and peers throughout their lifetime, some of them positive and some negative. Home school allows a parent or guardian to tailor a child's education and influences to meet the needs of that specific child. 


Bobbi Irwin

MLA Format

Right now I am just using the internet. I still need to jump into the library, there is so much to do yet, writing is time consuming and the revisions, yikes!

Works Cited

Helping Your Child Make the Most of School. 17 Oct. 2011 Public Schools.,
http://education.fatnewt.com/public-schools

Bauman,KJ. 2002. "Home-schooling in the United States: Trends and characteristics."
http://epaa.asu.edu/epaa/v10n26.html


Homeschooling Disadvantages. 17 Oct. 2011 Homeschooling.,
http://www.squidoo.com/homeschooling_disadvantages

Bobbi Irwin

Style Reminders

Well I can honestly say that I am a list kind of person. The information in the book is very helpful. The LIST is thorough. I have trouble when it comes #4, which states to write with nouns and verbs, I thought I did, it's a bit confusing. I do enjoy trying to place myself and the reader into the backround, that's what grabs the audience. And yes I tend to overwrite but that's what revise and rewrite is for. The rest of it I think I have. But lists are good and I will use this one.

Bobbi Irwin

Effective Argument

He addresses Clergyman who question his reasons for being in Birmingham and disobeying the law.
He writes the letter from inside the Birmingham jail in an effort to explain his actions and thoughts behind them.
I feel the letter starts out respectively and in moderate tone and begins to get more emotional and loud as he writes. He finishes the same way he starts.

In his letter he starts out with an explanation of his purpose for his actions and reasons for being in Birmingham. His thoughts are calm as he writes about the opportunity to talk with Birmingham's economic leaders. A step to him, in the right direction. This is his logos (appeal to logic). He states that they have tried to keep their views and beliefs peaceful but have had too many broken promises. He clearly uses every appeal in this letter. Just a few examples he uses pathos when he tries to explain to his 6 year old why colored people aren't allowed in certain places and why whites are so mean to coloreds. And certainly my favorite in his letter is just one example of ethos, "A law is unjust if inflicted on a minority that, as a result of being denied the right to vote, had no part in enacting or devising the law. Who can say that the legislature of Alabama which set up that state's segregation laws was democratically elected?" There are so many in his letter to even mention. He uses slippery slope on page 164 stating that if their nonviolent direct action is not supported, millions of Negroes will out of frustration and despair seek security in black-nationalist ideologies causing a racial nightmare. His letter is excellent and full of logic, emotion and ethics. I've read this letter before and can honestly say I liked it better the second time around. I believe things would surely have been different had his life not been taken so abruptly, as I feel about JFK. Enjoyed this very much and very effective.

Bobbi Irwin

Fallacy Examples

Bandwagon appeals-So what if I get a tattoo, most everyone I know already has one.
Tattoos have been around for centuries, for some it was a way to distinguish themselves from others. For some it was a way of celebrating a season or a victory.

Either-or-We should build newer schools or our children will never get to college.
Having the latest technology at our disposal will give our children a much better chance of succeeding. Research has shown that 93% of our children do better on assessment testing. 

Slippery Slope-We have to stop the tuition increase! The next thing you know, they'll be charging $40,000 a semester. Over the last 10 years tuition has increased by 50% if this trend continues, it will become increasingly more difficult for students to further their education.


Bobbi Irwin

Persuasive Topic

Thought I might do a paper on the Positive\Negative Effects of Exercise. There are many options in exercise, which one is best? There is a lot of research on the topic as well. How does it effect someone with a joint disorder? How about those couch potatoes, should they get up and move around? How about the old stand by of I just don't have time? or I don't want to go to a gym where everybody can see me.

I also thought about doing a paper on whether or not children should be home schooled or go to public school.

Bobbi Irwin

When Your Opinion Matters

I don't recall ever having to make a case for myself. However there are things I am passionate about and will persuade you to agree. Just can't think of anything right now. I'll blog when I do.

Bobbi Irwin

Persuasive Assignment-"muddiest point"

When writing a paper of this type my problem is usually finding a topic and making sure I can find enough supportive evidence to back myself up in case people disagree.  Maybe a list of examples would be helpful. I have found in the past writing papers like this make it difficult to keep personal emotions and opinions out because we may be biased somewhat about the subject we chose. I do however enjoy arguing about certain things so this paper will give me an opportunity to do that just a little. I will say I don't like having to do peer reviews, I'm no expert even if I feel I might have helped.

Bobbi Irwin

• Does the writer provide an introduction that grabs the reader’s attention? I enjoyed the introduction, the writer makes you wonder what basket has been passed and why.

• Does the writer focus on significant events in his or her life rather than trying to narrate his or her entire life’s story? Yes, the writer is specific in telling of her grandfathers illness and the events that follow.
• Do the descriptions of the characters or important objects in the memoirs include sensory details that help readers to visualize, hear, smell or feel them? Yes, the writer describes the use of her grandfathers medication as making him dizzy and forgetful. She explains the carport being out of wack and mentioned the color was green. She doesn't really describe her Nana but you kind of get the idea that she doesn't really put up with alot of nonsense.
• Has the writer quoted speech or dialogue so as to reveal some important aspect of a character’s personality? Yes Pop Pop (her grandfather) speaks quite frequently in this essay. Ranting about being "a caged animal in his own home."
• Does the writer narrate or describe events in a way that allows readers to connect them to experiences or relationships in their own lives? Yes when haven't you gotten upset about anything at the grocery store at least once.
• Has the writer explained the significance of the people, events, places, or objects in shaping who he or she has become?The last bit of dialogue when she accidentally runs her grandfather down. They exchange some conversation and you can visualize that she understands her grandfather very well ill or not. Does this explanation make sense in relation to the events, people, places, and things described throughout the memoir? Yes.
• Does the writer provide a conclusion that reinforces the point of the story? Yes. Her grandfather has been somewhat impossible to get along with and she reinforces the ending by letting her readers know it's okay for the elderly to get grouchy and still be loved. 

 

 

Bobbi Irwin

Once More to the Lake-E.B. White

1.) Yes. His introduction took me back to the days on the farm during my childhood, and we got ringworm as well from the old farm cats. And everyday was like camping out, never a dull moment.
2.) Yes. The writer is very specific with details that are significant to him. Such as taking his son to the spot he used to go to as a child to camp and experiencing the things he did as a child. His example made me laugh about having water go up his nose from the lake. Been there.
3.) Yes. The description of the lake as cool and motionless and how the bedroom smelled of the lumber it was made of and the smell of the wet woods as it sifted throught the screen in the window.
4.) The writer speaks of his father and how he feels like he in his shoes, but no specific dialogue is really mentioned.
5.) Yes. He is very descriptive, specifically he mentions walking back from the lake with only two tracks to follow instead of three as he remembers. He describes the dusty field and the flaky dry manure. Puts me right back to those days out in the pasture walking back to house to eat dinner. Those paths made by my grandfathers truck and the animals.
6.) Yes. The events the writer describes are with fond memorys of the days he and his father went to the lake to camp and fish. He brings that out in every part of the essay. He appreciates the time spent and has fond memories.
7.) Yes. His conclusion gives a lasting impression on the reader as to how he wanted to spend time with his son as his father hd spent with him and the irony that the years has not passed by. His last line is hilarous.

Bobbi Irwin

Diving into Personal Narratives-Sedaris

1.) The writer does not grab the attention of the reader. He gives basic information about returning to school even though it may be in a different country. He just doesn't "soup" up the idea. How beautiful was the university? the surroundings?
2.) Yes. The writer focuses on specific events that happened during class time.
3.) Yes. Each student was from a different country speaking in their own language. So while reading this essay I am able to hear their language and visualize how they look.
4.) Yes. The writer is in a foreign country trying to learn the language with an instructor who would rather intimidate and make him feel inept than to teach him the language. She speaks French in ways he doesn't quite understand yet.
5.) Yes. I understand returning to college much later in life and feeling like I'm in a foreign country when I'm in my own.
6.) Yes. He gives a bit of backround on some of the other individuals coming to France from other countries to learn the language. There were specific incidents during class where the instructor would have the student get up and speak in French about things they loved or disliked and then remarked cruelly. In the end the writer spoke of a situation where the instructor made a comment to him stating that everday he was in class it was like having a cesarean section. GEEZ!
7.) In conclusion the remark she made he finally understood even though it was unkind it was a small step to a new world opening up and bathed in insults without reget because he understood.

Bobbi Irwin

Sentence Variety

Sam got in her car to drive to the mall so she could buy a pair of boots and a shoeshine kit. After her purchase, she decided to go to the food court to eat a burrito with peppers and onions. While eating Sam saw a cute boy  at the pretzel stand looking at her. She blushed as the boy came over to her and said hello, the boy wrinkled his nose. Sitting confused she said hello again but this time the boy gagged and walked away. Shocked, she realized she had bad breath and ran to the bathroom crying. Confidently she put on her newly shined boots and walked out of the bathroom in search of the boy. When she found him she kicked him in the shin with her new boots and told him he needed some manners, the boy fell to the ground. Sam walked out of the mall smiling.

Bobbi Irwin

9/8/11 Writing the Personal Narrative

I believe we are all guilty of loose sentences. It's just too easy to use those connective words such as and or but. Almost did that again with this blog as a matter of fact. That would be a weak link for me while writing a paper. This would be an area that I would pay closer attention to for changes. A strong point in my writing would be the direct approach using specific or concrete ideas. I'm not very good at beating around the bush. Referring back to The Elements of Style when writing will help guide me to a correct essay style that I can appreciate.

Bobbi Irwin

Revision Checklist

Our assignment was to read, evaluate and effectively summarize an essay. The topic chosen for my summary is William Zinsser's College Pressures, noting how peers, society, parents and academics put an enormous amount of pressure on college students to be successful at any cost. The audience this essay is sought to reach are college students, parents and society in general. In developing this essay I identified the thesis or what I felt was the thesis, summarized the main points, used examples and hopefully successfully organized the emphasis of the main point. A total of two drafts have been completed and about 8 hours of time has been put into this paper. That doesn't mean it's thorough that just means it takes me longer than some people. The instructor gave detailed instructions on how to set the paper up with checklists and examples. Revisions were done so that more examples could be given. I tend to have too many run on sentences or fragments, went back to double check mine. Tried to pay attention to third person and present tense. Writing has always intimidated me so making sure my summary is accurate is important or as close as I can get it. I have struggled the last two semesters with staying focused, this essay was one I definitely related to.


Bobbi Irwin

College Pressure #4

As a non-traditional student, so we're called, it's especially difficult to balance and make things work in our favor, the responsibilities are far greater than those students who live on campus and have parents footing the bill. Please don't misunderstand, hats off to those students who have scholarships and have parents who afford them an education, but so many don't have that luxury and still want their children to come out on top. So the pressure of finance rears its ugly head. In William Zinsser's essay he talks about the pressures from peers, parents and society and all three weigh equally on students. I was a victim of this when I started college 20 years ago, however my parents didn't exactly tell me what to study, I think all they wanted was for me to go and finish. I paid my own tuition and living expenses. I realize 20 years ago was much different than it is now, but the expense is just as great when you only make $4.20 an hour. He also talks about how college students struggle with grades and making sure they stay out in front, I also feel that pressure to do exceptionally well, not just average. But isn't average okay? I always shoot for perfection but usually come up just a bit short. The plus for returning to school after this many years, is, it's for me, on my terms and on my time. So hang in there everybody and put your books down once in awhile to enjoy your time. There is plenty of time for responsibility. You have the rest of your life, trust me.

Bobbi Irwin

Higher Education #3

Thinking back to my experiences as a student, many classes surface, but I would have to say that Chemistry has always been a bunsen burner in my side. Specifically my college class. The assignment was to balance chemical equations, right. My chemistry instructor literally beat her head on the board after a question I asked. Not very encouraging. I dropped the class and will try a different instructor next time. Maybe that will help. I returned to college after a 20 year hiatus and am doing pretty well considering so much has changed in education. I hope that my next Chemistry experience is a bit more balanced.

Bobbi Irwin

My Secret Notebook Post #2

Of course I keep a notebook. The older you get the less you remember. Those of you in your twenties or so just wait you'll understand. Now write that down in your notebook and look back in about 20 years. I'll still be around for you to tell me I was right. Joan Didion was exactly right in her essay. Things that may never be repeated outloud are in those notebooks. I believe there is a bit of narcissism in all of us once in awhile and if you can't say anything nice put it in your notebook. I like the idea of a notebook rather than a diary, I'm really not trying to hide any of my nasty secrets from anyone I want a place to go when I believe my thoughts are valid and no one is listening. A place where I express what I believe to be creative. A place where the events of the day are laid to rest and looked upon in laughter years later. A place where my mothers best angel food cake recipe always turns up. And in a way a place where I am hidden. It's my crepe-de-Chine wrapper.

Bobbi Irwin

BikerBabe

Well this has been an interesting evening trying to figure out this blog thing. Not really interested. However I do like a challenge. Hello, my name is Bobbi Irwin, I am 45 years old and have returned to college. What was I thinking? Much more difficult this go around I must say. Things I enjoy, singing, teaching fitness classes, days off, cycling, cake decorating, scrapbooking, hot chocolate and cooler weather. I didn't say Winter, just cooler. I've posted a couple of pictures on my blog of a bicycle, with, count them, 4 seats. It was built in 1963 by my next door neighbors. My sisters and I have taken it for a spin and participated in a couple of fundraisers, Christmas and Homecoming parades and the occasional trip around the block for a good laugh. I've pedaled my bike across the state of Kansas twice and always look forward to the next ride. Marriage is wonderful too. I have 2 step-children and 3 step-grandchildren whom I love like my own. Life's pretty good but I'd sure like to win the lottery, oh and finish college before I'm completely gray.

Berta

http://legsandlungs.blogspot.com